Crack O'Clock
by myevilregal
Summary: A totally crack fic in which Regina's on Tumblr, Charming can't get his lines right, and Meghan Ory is confused beyond measure. M for language!


**Okay., so this is going to be a complete crack!fic. includes plenty of OOC and such. I am a SQ shipper at heart and as much as I tried not to include it, it does peek through. Might continue if enjoyed?**

* * *

Regina sat up in her bed and smiled, "I think today, we'll have one of those town hall meeting things."

* * *

Prince Charming walked into the vast room with a frown. Throughout the throngs of people, he couldn't see his precious Snow. His cape billowed behind him and his puffy sleeves knocked over people in the crowd as he waltzed through, "Snow! Snow White!"

People turned to look at him as he shouted and the once chattering room went silent. An aisle slowly opened through the crowd and at the end was his lovely Snow White. "Snow!" His shriek was so high pitch that it rivaled that of a kindergartener whose animal crackers had fallen on the floor.

Snow's eyebrows creased as Charming side-galloped through the aisle. He came to a halt before her and caressed her face, "I went to the tower and your hair wasn't hanging down for me to climb. I though something terrible had happened!"

Snow cocked her head to the side in confusion, "Um. What the fuck did you just say?"

Charming's eyebrows knit together, "Uh… I thought I saw you swimming off into the ocean to be with your merfolk?"

Snow's mouth opened in shock.

"I thought I'd never find you… but I will always find you?"

Snow pursed her lips and patted him on the shoulder, "There you go."

A throat cleared and the whole room turned to face the podium where an eager looking Regina stood, "Now that the dramatic reunion of DipShits One and Two has occurred, I'd like to call this meeting to order."

Archie raised his hand, "Regina. I told you this the other day when you tried to fire your former secretary: you're not the mayor anymore."

Regina frowned, "I specifically asked her to bring me a frappe from McDonald's and she starting talking about how I wasn't mayor anymore or some shit and you know what I did to her, bug?" The room was so quiet you could've heard a pin drop. "I un-friended her on Facebook."

A gasp went through the entire room. Regina looked down at the man, "Do you want me to un-friend you too?"

Archie shook his head with vigor, "Please no! You always have funny memes that I look at. I beg you, no!"

Regina looked away and smiled, "Anywho! Last night I went on Tumblr and saw that all of my Evil Regals said I should kill everybody in the town. I was really tempted to. Like seriously, I even got some troll spit and unicorn hairs and some other funky ass shit for a death spell, but then I remembered that tomorrow is the season finale of the Bachelorette and I really would like to see who Kelsey ends up with before I blow you all the fuck up. FYI, if she ends up with Brian, I'll kill a bitch. Preferably that one." Regina pointed a manicured finger at Snow.

Charming looked at Snow a moment before returning his attention to Regina and nodding, "You're right; Brian's an asshole."

Murmurs of agreement arose and soon the former queen was forgotten.

Regina frowned, "Excuse me? Hey!" The room continued to chatter on about how Brian was totally an asshole. Regina looked around and found the eyes of Mother Superior. The nun thought for a moment before shouting at the top of her lungs, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Regina smiled, "Okay, so… yeah. Just wanted to let you know that you can take Pretty Little Liars off of your DVR for next week because you probably won't be alive. You can leave. BTW, Charming, get your shit together. REGINA OUT!" The brunette exited the building and with a peace sign.

Ruby looked around, "What is going on here?" She got looks of confusion.

"Did Eddy and Adam tell you guys to be here? I just got a text from Lana saying "Town Hall meeting today, skank". I thought we were talking about the show…"

"Show? What show? Ruby, I think we'd better get you home." Granny put a hand on the young brunette's shoulder. Ruby flinched, "My name is Meghan. And I'm talking about Once Upon a Time! The show we're all on!"

"Once Upon a Time? Ruby.." Snow approached her.

"Ginny? You're in on it too?"

Snow's nose wrinkled, "Ginny? What the fuck does that stand for? Ginnogwen? Ginnessa?"

Archie started to giggle, "Hehe… Ginny. That's weird."

Ruby was basically screaming, "Raphael! You too!"

Archie's smile disappeared, "Why do I get the weird name? Raphael…"

Ruby's eyebrows shot up, "What?! Raph!"

A loud 'thunk' was heard and Ruby slumped to the floor, revealing Belle who held up a large book, "Someone had to knock her out; that shit was creepy."

The whole room nodded. A quiet murmur of 'bluebelles' was whispered from the unconscious girl. Belle turned to look at Mother Superior, "She ships us, Blue!"

The nun grinned and started clapping with glee.

"AWWHHH! FML. I wanted to tap that way before you did, Belle!" Whale pouted.

Belle stuck out her tongue at the doctor.

"Speaking of ships…" Hook entered the room grinning, "Where is the one they call 'Emma'?"

Charming looked over at Snow, "Did he really just fucking say that?" The blonde emerged from the crowd, "What do you want, Jack Sparrow?"

Hook laughed, "That never gets old! Especially since I have no idea what you're referring to. Anyways, I found our glorious ship! It sails the seas of Tumblr and it is called 'Captain… wait for it… Swan'!"

Emma gagged, "Ew… you have cooties. Plus that doesn't even make sense. Swan Queen is like queen of the swans. Regal Cricket is like a cricket who is regal. Red Beauty is a beauty who is red-"

"Blue Whale!"

"Shut up, Whale! It's not gonna happen!"

Emma continued, "All of those make sense- except Blue Whale; nobody ships that- but Captain Swan doesn't. Like is the captain's name Swan? Shouldn't it be called Swan Captain? I personally think that works better…"

Hook pouted a second before finally stating, "Yeah. I was drunk as fuck when I made those fake Tumblr accounts- ahh shit- I mean saw those not-fake Tumblr accounts."

Emma creased her eyebrows.

"I swear they weren't fake. Like not even kidding."

Emma sighed, "FML…"

"Swan Queen FTW!"

Everyone turned to face Charming who was turning red, "What? You can't tell me I'm the only one who sees them eye-sexing each other. They are pretty intense."

Snow shook her head, "What the fuck, Charming? What the actual fuck?"

"I will always find you?"

"Shut up. Just shut up."

* * *

**To continue or to not continue, that is the question. Any favorite lines/parts? Drop a review!**


End file.
